Debut appearance!!

My debut appearance on my blog. On the left, with Pepsi ( proof in the foreground) in my hand is me. On the right, with the ice cream, is Pappu.

PDW

This quarter we have a course called the Professional Development Workshop. Its a nice one actually. We can enroll for Yoga as a part of this course. We are also taught something called the structured response method of handling unusual business situations, for that matter,even the day to day incidents. This method looks very interesting. I will document it sometime later.

Today we had a group activity, wherein our group was stranded on the moon and we had to come up with priorities for a list of 15 things to carry with us to reach the mother ship.The idea was to see the differences between individual preferences and how they change within a group. It was a wonderful experience really.

The feedback was very insightful too. The "neutral" observers felt that I was the de facto leader of the group, very assertive, and not very imposing, at the same time. One interesting comment was that I was very strong in logic, and riding on the strength of my logic, I bulldozed some of the members of the group!!

Verticalization

To really enjoy this post you need some background information on a chap called Bala. You can read about it here. Anyways, Bala has divided his consulting business into the following domain specific verticals:

Food and Beverages: This vertical largely was a result of consistent beverage demand and Bala’s niche expertise in meeting the demand. Being a platinum card holder at various pubs and restaurants, ranging from swanky to quasi-shady, has helped him in integrating the supply and demand.

Entertainment: With weekend demand for the entertainment from the teetotaler clients to “i-don’t-have-money-to-booze-this-weekend” types, on the rise, Bala has risen to the occasion by using his supply-side contacts at multipexes and amusement parks, and realized a highly demanding vertical.

Automobile: This vertical was a result of Bala’s prior experience with automobile majors. This has helped him in meeting the clients’ need for new and second-hand bikes, as well as spare parts. Bala has also integrated transport logistics with this vertical, because the economic feasibility of operating his Pulsar was only too logical.

Finance and Insurance: Very strong, in Auto insurance, with proven expertise in getting insurance for his own bike. Being a local gives him access to a lot of idle funds in times of his clients’ crises.

Information Services: Sound knowledge of local conditions, makes Bala a prime choice for offering value added information services, especially cyclone forecasts (includes their source and destination too…clients love this!!), and accommodation information.

But apart from the verticalization, brand Bala has decided to consciously stay away from a potentially lucrative sector, personal care. With client queries ranging from number of underwears to be brought to Chennai, to the possibility of using an iron box in the girls’ hostel, to helpline services for “sambar-rasam-indistinguishable population” and location – spotting services, Bala is seriously pissed off!! Next in line: taking his consulting services public!!!!

What do consultants do?

The answer to the question is as difficult as the Freud's legendary doubt-what do women want?
One of the more common diatribes that one regularly gets to hear is “Those who can do they do, those who cannot, they consult.”
Same can be said for the legendary Freudian doubt. Tomes have been written, acreage of newsprint wasted, photographic reels spent by moviemakers in trying to understand the Freudian doubt. And I am not in the same league as those writers and moviemakers nor do I have the patience to write on what women want.
But as to what consultants do, the answers are so convoluted – ranging from strategy to management to technology to boutique, and everything else that smells vaguely of beautifully articulated jargon is associated with consulting.
Add to that the exclusivity that these consulting firms believe in. And charge obscene sums as fees for consulting to justify equally obscene pay packages given to the consultants.
The key to be a successful consultant, I guess, is to be an ace in making sense out of ambiguity. And THIS is definitely easier than understanding what women want. Any day!!

Lazy City

The other day I was just thinking how lazy this city of Calcutta is. The shops here open at 5pm after shutting down for lunch at 1 pm. Four hours of no business, that too in a metro! But, I realized that the people here are just as indolent, that nobody ventures out at in the afternoon to shop. The cause and effect relation is hard to establish in this particular case. This is as good as the “which came first - chicken or egg?” question.
But the new retail stores have created an interesting situation. People actually swarm these stores at all times of the day. If the retailing boom picks up further steam, it will, in all probability create problems for the laggard store keepers all over the city. No wonder, the Left is opposing the FDI in retail so vociferously!!

This is so funny!!

This incident is described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird.

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire.

He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing an equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"

Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time."

Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured.

Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES", "NO", eventually, all of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.

Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. You decide and inform the bloody scorers!"

Adam and Eve

Genesis 1 and 2 contradict each other. Many rabbis over past 2000 thousand years have tried to read between the lines to explain the flaw. Genesis 1 states that God created man and woman, while Genesis 2 clearly says that God created woman after Adam complained of loneliness, from Adam’s rib.
So, many rabbis claim that there was another woman before Eve came into the Garden of Eden. She was apparently called Loeth (from Lily or Lileth, meaning “stormy wind”, an Assyrian word???).
But where did Loeth go? The Bible experts say that she could not surrender her influence and power to a man and hence left him (within a day??).
Whether Loeth knew the existence of the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden is open to speculation. At the same time, existence of a woman before the arrival of Eve can also explain the following paradox (??) – If Abel and Cane were the only two children of Adam and Eve, then how did the human race progress?
To counter this paradox some historians also say that Adam had a few children (or a child, at least a girl child) from Loeth. Or may be Loeth procreated with one of Adam and Eve’s children. Even this possibility cannot be discounted, given that she left Adam within a day and Adam went onto live for 900 odd years.
All said and done, the story of Adam and Eve delivers a powerful message. The message that is relevant even today.

“God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.”

Flurys' Flavors

I walk into Flurys.
Attendant: “Good afternoon, sir.”
The attendant walks away. I have come to expect that in Calcutta- dismal service.
The maitre d walks up to us- my parents and me.
”Sir, can I have your name please.”
“Mr. Joshi.”
“You may have to wait for some time. The tables are not free.”
“Ok.”
“Please be seated there.”
“How long?”
“Ten minutes.”
We are at a table within the next five minutes. The service is slow. It gave a nice chance to soak in the sights and sounds of Flurys.

To my right are seated a mother – daughter pair. They are admiring my mom’s sari. My mom cannot see them, and the ladies do not know that I am watching them watching my mom’s sari.

A wedding cake is placed atop a centre table. A lady walks towards it and snaps a picture of the cake. I am reminded of the wedding cake at Donald Trump’s second wedding with Melonia, where the cake was 3 feet wide at the base, and Donald was so busy drinking, a joke goes, that he forgot to taste his own wedding cake.

Somewhere behind my back are seated a group of ladies (or girls, I do not know, I cannot see them) in the waiting area.
A female voice behind my back: “You are not supposed to smoke here. This is the family zone.”
Another female voice, the smoker: “How does it matter? There is nothing to separate the family zone from the non family zone. The smoke will anyway reach the other side.”
Intelligent female. Did I create an oxymoron?

To my left is a couple with their baby. The man appears to be an ABCD (American Born Confused Desi). ABCD Jr. is crying out loud. Mr. ABCD picks up the baby and starts walking around. He is now Mr. BACD – Back As Child’s Dad. Mrs. ABCD (now Mrs. BACD) starts eating her chocolate pastry.

By this time, I have received my order. I play it safe at Flurys after my first visit when I ordered something called Cheese Quiche. (Sorry, I cannot pronounce it; neither can half the Flurys service staff). And when that thing arrived, I was literally searching for it. So tiny. And I have spent more than $1 on it (accounting for purchasing power parity).After that bout of massive post purchase cognitive dissonance, I have stuck to familiar names.

I have finished eating. It takes some more time for the check to arrive. The place is crowded by now. I cannot distinguish the sounds. But the mood is cheerful. That’s what makes this place so wonderful, for the last five generations.

The Year That Was

Yet another year has passed. The year began with ghastly images of the death and destruction left behind by the Boxing Day tsunami. And at the end of the year, only 20% of the tsunami - affected has got its shelters back. Meanwhile, Sania shone, first in Australia and then in Hyderabad, Dubai, Wimbledon and New York. The Indian cricket team lost the one day series to their Pakistani neighbors at home.

Elsewhere, after the euphoria of Liverpool’s win in Europe died down, 7/7 shook London and the stiff British upper lip was not stiff anymore. All Muslims were not terrorists, but all terrorists were Muslims. London returned with a bang, bagging the bid for the 2012 Olympics. The England cricket team won the Ashes, but not many are optimistic about their ability to retain it next winter.

The French rejected the EU constitution. And a few months later, Paris burned with race crimes. More cars were destroyed in Paris suburbs than GM could produce in Detroit in a day. The auto major, along with Ford and Chrysler suffered losses as Toyota and Nissan beat the Americans in their own auto garage. The American optimism was further dented by Katrina, Rita and mildly by Wilma. These female namesakes were the most problematic since Monica and Paula troubled a certain Mr. Bill Clinton.

Indians had their fair share of deluges - first Mumbai and then Chennai. At least we managed the flooding better than the Americans. Chennai is now facing problem of plenty of water, after being on the fringes for the last four summers. Another place that finds the proverbial problem of plenty is the BCCI. Somebody in the BCCI felt that Greg Chappell email deserved a mention on its notice board, verbatim. Sourav Ganguly was ditched and taken back in the team according to the whims of a Marathwada MP – minister turned BCCI president and an ex – wicket keeper whose clown – like antics were imitated by Javed Miandad 13 years ago in Sydney.

Meanwhile, Javed Miandad’s daughter married the underworld don Dawood Ibrahim’s son in Dubai, right under the noses of secret agents from India and the CIA. The latter continued to hog the limelight for all the wrong reasons. WMD is an old story now. It is now about flying the terrorists through the European airstrips. Talking about flying, GateGourmet strike at Heathrow affected many. Skyrocketing crude oil prices took care of the rest. All this happened while Iraq continued to see blood bath everyday and Afghanistan started harvesting poppy.Iraq, Volcker and the crude oil triumvirate nailed Mr. Natwar Singh.

The Indian politicians were caught accepting money to ask and also not to ask questions in the Parliament. But, the thick skinned ones sang the Billy Joel number, “We didn’t start the fire, it’s always been burning, since the world’s been turning…”

Peter Drucker passed away after making people believe in the philosophy of management for the last 60 years. The Greenspan era is heading to a close. As is this fairly long post, about a year that deserved one.

Frailties of the Human mind

Last week I came across an interesting thing, a question actually.
1. If you were asked to study in the world's best university and not be awarded a degree as a proof that you studied there.
2. You were given a degree saying that you studied in the world's best university, even without having to study there.

Which of the above would you choose?
Interesting? Confusing?
I found the hint in "Signaling Theory". This theory states that it is enough to signal that you are good enough even though you may not be. For example, take a product whose advertisement you see. An ad hardly tells you enough about the product, but the very realization that the company is spending such a lot on ads makes one believe that the product must be good.
What else can explain the brand value of a product like an aerated drink? What makes us drink it, even though we very well know that it hardly has any benefits to offer?
Coming back to the question, the answer largely depends on what I want to use the education / certificate for?
But it raises a vital question of tactic vs strategy. What will hold me in good stead in the long run, the experience of having studied at the worlds best university without having any certificate to show for it or having the certificate but no experience of having studied there?
There are many who can market themselves well, and they only need a break to jump onto the bandwagon of go-getters. And some like to cherish the experience of having satisfied an innate desire, of having achieved a non-hedonistic goal.

Ben and Paul

Paul Krugman, I came to know recently has been nominated as one of the most influential thinkers of the century ( Naom Chomsky went on to win the poll). I have been a regular reader of his articles in The Hindu. But, when will he stop cribbing about everything that happens in USA and more specifically in the White House. Now its like you read his articles and it opens up a pandora's box of complaints and cribs. He was last heard complaining about Ben Bernanke 's selection as the new Fed Chief. ( Ben was Head of Economics Dept at Princeton). Incidentally, Ben was Paul's boss at Princeton.And Paul actually predicted Ben's appointment back in Feb. So, why the cribbing??
Apparently, one needs to be overly critical about a lot of things to be a "great thinker" or atleast to be nominated as one.
1600, Pennsylvania Avenue seems to highly accident-prone region these days.. "Libby" out , Harriet out and who is next?? Dubya still has 4 years to go...

Fear

All that we do,all that we do not do, all of our actions, conscious and unconscious, boil to down to one simple thing,one primary vestige that has remained within us from the time the human race came into existence, and that is FEAR.
Look at every action of yours.Look at what you have done today.Apply the "Five Whys" (as the Japs call it) and you will realise that somewhere deep beneath you were afraid of something.We are all animals at a very basic level.We need to survive.We need to protect ourselves.And as animals , even to this day,continue to live ,fearing the hunter,afraid of being a prey, our human race has built around itself a fortress of civilization.
And inside the ramparts of this fort we cozily believe that whatever we do has a motive driven by our desires which we attribute it to our civil nature.And almost bordering on hypocrisy is our tendency to claim that we are beyond "the sum of all fears".
If people apply fairness creams it is because they fear being dark in color,if people brush their teeth it is because they are afraid of cavities,and the big "soap-toothpaste" selling companies are actually selling fear.But, that marketing manager does not know that it the fear itself which makes him sell fear.

Reconciliation

I have suggested Bala to divide the queries into macro and micro queries after 2 more stunning questions were put to him since my last post.
The queries are as follows:
"Bala, when is the cyclone going to hit Chennai?"
Now hear this,
X:"bala, where is Nandambakkam in Chennai?"
Bala:"I dont know"
X:" I ll tell you the pincode, can you then tell me where it is?"

Bala has reconciled to his query-servicing hotline status.

Poor Bala!!

There is a friend of mine here in my class. His name is Bala. A very sweet chap. He is a resident of Chennai. And he was helping a lot of North Indian guys in settling down in Chennai. But, Bala and me believe that the northies think they have landed on Mars. they think this place is so bad that without Bala's help nothing can happen.
This has a led to quite a few hilarious questions being put to Bala ,remember bala also stays on campus, just like others. so here we go:

"hey, where do you find cobbler in chennai?"

"at what time does the cycle shop behind the taramani gate close?"

in the mess: "hey bala, which of this is sambar, and which is rasam?"

"can you drop me to Melody theatre and come back alone?"

"where do you find single room acco near IIT?"

"my cycle key is stuck in the lock, where is your Pulsar?"

"how far is spencer's from IIT?" and this is the feedback after returning from spencer's..."oye, you told me it takes 20 minutes , it took half an hour.."!!!

this is the height, though i dont believe its true: "hey bala, how many underwears should i get from Delhi before comimg to chennai?"!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not like Bangalore

Its been 3 weeks in Calcutta(sounds so much more mod than the kolkotta),and with life kinda settled here for the time being(before i move to chennai in 2 weeks time),I have spent some time in analyzing why i do not like bangalore,because thats where i landed from.
For quite some time now,i have been nursing the feeling that B'lore is not a great place.Now,thats contrary to what many feel.Its true that B'lore is hip and is surrounded by a perpetual hype fuelled by the beeline of celebs,or the new R & D centres opened by big tech cos or the plain and simple BPO boom.
But the moot question is,what makes a city,in the sense,where does its soul lie?In its people,in its culture,in its history,where?
Bangalore,is devoid of any history.For all practical purposes it is non existent.And consequently,there is no culture that can be attributed to the city's history.But yes,every city does have a culture and this is where B'lore does not go down well with me.Bangalorean culture is so plastic and artificial.So westernised.i cannot find a single thing in Bangalore that is original except the patents coming out of Google,or TI or Intel.Take out all these and what is left?Every city atleast has a second line of defence when it comes to protecting its image.What has Bangalore got?
According to me the city of Bangalore itself is culturally divided.The young and the restless,basking in the software sunshine,and the old and the conservative,reminiscing the garden city's good ol' days.Still, this is fine.The problem is that everybody in the city seems to be aping the techie lifestyle.Everybody is in a rat race of the same mundane kind.The city's soul is bereft of the color,the charm that would have been so....fulfilling.Every one in Bangalore is trying to change,which is good(you need to move your cheese,once in a while),but some things are best left alone.

Feeling Numb

I am feeling numb.My previous blog is dead. I am unable to understand what killed it. I guess I loved my blog very much. Its always bad to be too strongly attached to something. It hurts badly when its no more. It hits you where it hurts you the most. I will refrain from blaming the world for the demise of my blog, though its quite tempting.
But, this blog will rise.Farther, and higher than the previous one.